5 ways to keep your cool around passive-aggressive people
Passive-aggressive people rarely tell you exactly what bothers them. Instead, their frustration slips in a subtle way: a side joke, a heavy sigh, an unusually lively text-which can let you ask you, are they secretly upset, or am I just too thoughtful?
In some cases, clear communication maintenance can be intentional – a way to force the other person to “guess” what is wrong (which is as unhealthy as they are boring). More often than not, however, “people are simply afraid of speaking for themselves in a direct way,” explains Fanny Tristan, LCSW, psychotherapist and founder of Restority Space in New York. “When they are already outdated, sad or disappointed, they must sit with these uncomfortable feelings in addition to dealing with the fear of saying something that the other person may not be happy to hear.” This is why, instead of saying: “I don’t like it” or “I am upset”, they use silent treatment, for example, or a wave, “well, if you say it …”
However, trying to reconcile what they say with what you feel may be exhausting. When we lack clear information and we are rather welcomed with a disdainful tone or a tense body language, our brain cannot help filling the gaps, underlines Tristan – often leading to hypotheses, reflection and unnecessary stress.
In these moments, maybe you are tempted to do work (“Are you Of course Are you good? ) – To attack the way you are “arrogant”. Or you believe it when they insist that nothing is going, but later discover that there was a problem from the start. So what are you supposed to do? Read the rest for advice approved by experts on how to manage passive-aggressive people:
1. Consider the context before reacting
All the short text or moment of silence that feel passive-aggressive is not. Maybe your friend is completed because they are busy or distracted, or your partner is not bored by You– They are concerned about the unrelated family drama.
So, before you start to steal in the hypotheses, Tristan suggests taking a step back and considering all the facts: did you do something that could have turned them away? Could external factors be responsible for their “different” tone? Your boss may be catchy because he has a meeting with high issues later, for example, or your roommate is just the type of person who always sends “K” answers during the work week. Taking this perspective helps you choose your battles and avoid unnecessary conflicts. In this way, you do not price all the interactions that seem “off”.
2. Do not encounter passive aggression with passive assault
As tempting as to retaliate with a similar reverse comment, resist this desire. “You don’t have to ignore what’s going on, but you shouldn’t meet them either where they are,” said Dralisa Young, LCSW, founder and clinical director of favorite PLLC therapy. Otherwise, you will only degenerate this indirect tension, which is why it is better to maintain a calm and clear communication.
3. Ask for clarification
If in doubt, Young suggests to gently ask for clarity – something like: “You don’t seem so excited – are you sure you are doing well?” Or just, “what do you mean by that?” This approach makes two important things: first, he directly calls mixed signals, which makes them more difficult for them to hide behind sarcasm or silence. Second, this gives them a gentle opening to express what East disturb them.
4. Call the action, not the person
A punctual and sneaky comment can often be ignored, but the experts agree that a model of passive aggressiveness deserves to be approached. The trick, however, is faced with the confusing action without attack the person.
