Commitment issues shouldn’t be the end of love—therapists reveal how to fix them
Indeed, these steps increase the challenges: you have less personal freedom and higher emotional (and sometimes financial) costs if things collapse – that is why Thrall says it is common to see people dragging their feet, stalling decisions or keeping important parts of their separate life (even if, basically, they may want to do these next steps).
3. You continue to look for reasons to leave
As soon as the relationship is starting to become serious, your brain could turn into “danger” mode, that is to say when classic self-sabotage behaviors are inserted. Maybe you start to get away just when they say: “I love you”, or to convince yourself that the harmless quirks (the sound of their laughter, the way they dress) are reasons suddenly worthy of the red flags to break.
“I will especially see this with customers who have long wanted a relationship and when they finally get it, they begin to panic and think:” Oh my God, I could hurt myself because I really care about them, “explains throwing away. “Or:” I receive what I asked, but I did not consider the risk of seeing how hard it will be to lose this person. »Essentially, tacit logic here becomes, If I repel them first, they cannot blind me later.
4. You set yourself on “What Ifs” instead of taking advantage of what is
Even in the happiest, healthiest and secure relationships, it is common for commitment problems to trigger an incessant loop of doubt: Things are going well now … But what’s going on if there is someone better there? What if I sit? Instead of kissing the connection right in front of you, your mind is attached to imagined scenarios, says to throw – by comparing your partner to foreigners or ex, for example or a reverie on the way your life could be different with someone else.
Unconsciously, this model often appears to be a way to prevent you from putting all your eggs in a single basket: if you are always half half for the exit, you never have to face the raw vulnerability (and sorrow) which has just really invest in a single person. The problem, however, is that what resembles self -protection often ends up blocking the intimacy and proximity that you have already built.
How to overcome commitment problems
1. First of all, be clear about what you are really afraid
There is a difference between having trouble making it official with anyone in relation to not wanting with this particular person. So, a way of making the difference, says throwing, deepening what triggers your fears. Is it more generalized anxiety about Be deceivedLet’s say or lose your sense of self? Or is it specific to your partner-lifestyles registered, perhaps unpredictable behaviors that make you question their motivations? (The first indicates wider engagement problems – on which you can work with the help of the advice below; the second could mean that this connection is simply not the right adjustment.)
