Emotional incest: What your “clingy” relationship with your parents really means

Questions for parents to ask themselves:

1. Do you count on your child to provide you with emotional support?

2. Do you share inappropriate or intimate details on your romantic life with your child?

3. Do you expect your child to give up his activities to take care of your needs?

4. Do you see your child as very mature and capable of taking responsibilities for adults?

5. Do you feel jealous when your child wants to go out with friends or have a romantic interest?

6. Do you give adult responsibilities to your child who create concern and stress?

7. When your child expresses a need, do you reject it?

8. Do you try to control everything in your child’s life?

9. See your child as an extension of yourself and prevent him from exploring their
interests or express their individuality?

10. Do you feel like your child looks more like your friend rather than your child?

Questions for adult children to ask themselves:

1. Was your emotional needs not satisfied or neglected as a child?

2. Have you been criticized, ashamed or guilty of having your own needs?

3. Was you responsible for meeting the emotional needs of your parents as a child?

4. Have you assured the responsibilities of adults and you feel like you have lost your childhood?

5. As an adult, do you always feel the need to take care emotionally from your parent?

6. Do you find it difficult to express your own emotional needs with others, especially in romantic relationships?

7. Do you have trouble fixing and holding limits?

8. Do you feel like a mediator between your parents or that you had to take sides?

9. Did your parent had inappropriate intimate conversations concerning romantic partners who
Did you feel uncomfortable?

10. Has the relationship with your parents felt a friendship more than a parent-child
relationship?

How can you get out of an emotional incest model with your parents?

Unfortunately, it is not always an easy to break.

“When emotional incest exists in the parent-child relationship, it can be extremely difficult to free oneself from this dynamic in adulthood,” explains Ritcher. “These models are wired in our subconscious and become our plan to operate in the world. When this type of tangle exists, it may have the impression of trying to disentangle a million different necklaces which have been so intertwined that you do not even know where to start. It is not impossible, but it can certainly want.”