Grew up feeling like a parent to your own parents? You might be a ‘parentified daughter’

I grew up secretly wishing to have Lorelai Gilmore for a mother – but it was before I knew the cycle of parented girl. What a pleasure, I thought, to have a funny young mother; A mother who wore rhinestones and dukes of Marguerites; A mother who research relax around pizza and junk food; A mother I could call my best friend.

However, review Gilmore Girls As an adult, I can’t help but hide the parenthood from Lorelai. Although it may her Delighted to have a best friend for a mother, in reality, it is not exactly a healthy dynamic. Because she sees Rory as her best friend, the emotional slow motion is continuously turning to her daughter with stories of horror of meetings, money -misfortunes and work problems. In turn, Rory finds himself frequently comes into the maternal role of his own mother. She tells him when it’s time to get up. She encourages him to be more responsible. She disciplines her even when she behaves badly. This is, to say the least, a strange dynamic.

But it is also a dynamic that occurs more frequently than we think. Rory is what is called a “parentified girl” or “a child who knows a role reversal with her parents”, as Ariel Eversoll says, half of the mother of the team of mother-daughter coaches to her healing girl,

“The girl is responsible for playing the parent role and becomes the protector, the emotional guardian, the therapist, the mediator, the cleaning lady or even a financial supplier,” continues Eversoll. “A parented girl is also often seen or treated as her parents’ friend.”

Although many teenagers can like the sound of having a “cool mom” who is also a friend, the dynamics can be harmful. We talked to Eversoll about the dangers of sliding in a parented girl role, signs that this dynamic has formed and best strategies to form a healthier dynamic with your parents.

Why does the dynamics of the parental girl emerge?

In most cases, the dynamics emerge following parents. “He is generally imposed on him by circumstances, family dynamics or dysfunction,” explains Eversoll. She explains that it usually starts in a subtle way and becomes more extreme over time. Eversoll also notes that parented girls are often the eldest girl who “intervenes to fill the void left by an absent or outdated parent”. The dynamics generally emerge because the child is not nourished, but should rather assume this role itself. “She can find herself to manage household responsibilities, to take care of younger brothers and sisters or to emotionally support a parent who is struggling,” she explains. “This dynamic can also emerge by necessity because if it does not intensify, it or its family can face serious consequences which can be modified or threatening.”