How to be more assertive—without being ‘rude’ or ‘aggressive’
“Using” I “statements is always a winning tactic to clearly communicate your needs without embossing,” said Dr. Shabazz. Try: “In the future, I would appreciate that you did not cancel the last second”, instead of “sorry to be a NAG, but would you be able to give me a warning next time?” Or: “In fact, I would prefer to divide the bill according to what we have ordered” in relation to “Maybe we could divide it in this way?” I don’t know – to you!
3. Resist the urge to overexplicate
It is easy to feel that you need a list of justifications to stand up. However, the two experts say that it is good (encouraged, even) to keep your response short, soft and precise. “Overxploitation can really dilute your message, make you look less assertive and invite room for debate, decline and negotiation,” said Dr. Rubenstein. “Be concise, however, reinforces that your choice is firm.”
So, rather than offering a long reason to refuse a blind meeting (because you do not find them attractive, you always watch your ex, you already see someone), try: “I’m not available, but thank you for wondering.” Or if you want your doctor to suggest more alternatives to scary consonance drugs, say simply “I would like to know my other options”, rather than: “Oh, I’m not sure…. I read frightening stuff on Reddit…. The less you justify, the more your declaration sounds definitive.
4. Mix your assertion with a touch of positivity
On this note… being concise does not mean being a total jolt. If a saying downright “no” or “I want this” feels crushing or completed (especially with a close friend, a colleague or a family member), Dr. Rubenstein suggests “softening” your assertion by adding a positive turn at the end. For example, express your gratitude – “I’m going to leave soon, but I had a good time!” – I can help you pass your point of view with kindness without Water your message, she said.
Another option? Dr. Shabazz suggests offering an alternative. So, instead of answering with fringe with: “No, I’m fine”, you can say what you are Ready to do: “I cannot keep your children this weekend, but I can watch them for a few hours on Friday evening” or: “I will not drink alcohol, but I will always hang out with you at the bar.” In this way, you are clear on your limits – and without burning bridges.
5. Do not interpret discomfort as proof that you did something wrong
Guilt – which harass UGH, I feel bad. Have I messed up?– is a powerful force that can make you say a bad thing. However, “this is a natural response when you set limits,” explains Dr. Rubenstein – not proof that you are selfish or mean. “It is simply your alarm system that reacts to change”, especially if you are not used to prioritizing.
