How to be more positive—without faking or forcing it
Many of us have trained to expect the worst – not because we to want Being pessimistic, but because they can be more positive often resembles an abstract concept, linked to forced and joyful mantras.
It is not as easy as refusing to see silver liners. As human beings, we are in fact biologically wired to have a negativity bias, explains Laurie Santos, PHD, professor of psychology at the University of Yale and host of The Laboratory of Happiness podcast. This means that our brain clings to potential problems and scenarios The worst cases that good things, which also explains why “even when things are going objectively, our mind always scratches what could go wrong next,” explains Dr. Santos. Add to that the toxic positivity observed in well -being blogs and Instagram infographics of preaching – the genre that claims that cynicism can be fixed with a “look at the right side!” Attitude – And it is not surprising that trying to be a more optimistic person looks like a superficial business.
But it is not because our brain tends to focus on bad things that we are doomed to be chronically pessimistic. According to experts, there is still a lot of useful ways to be a more optimistic (or at least less negative) person without having the impression of forcing him.
Just start by being neutral
“You don’t need to be tirelessly or deliberately to avoid the thinking scenario thinking,” said Dr. Santos, because your brain is intelligent enough to know when you fake it. The simple fact of aiming to be neutral is a solid starting point. Instead of saying to you: “They must ghost me”, for example, try: “They did not answer, and that makes me anxious. But I can’t really know with certainty what’s going on. ” Sometimes learning to be more positive starts by being a little less mean and negative.
Remove the absolute of your vocabulary.
For obvious reasons, you probably already know that thoughts like “bad things always Arrive me “don’t make you favors. But you swing too far in the other direction (“Everything will go well !!!”) can be just as unrealistic.
“The truth is somewhere in the middle,” explains Amy Morin, LCSW, author of 13 things that mentally strong people do not do. In other words, life can be difficult, but This can also improve. So “it is important to recognize the gray area that there is good And A little bad, “says Morin – and the easiest way to replace thought in black and white is to cut absolute as” always “and” never “. Never Go my way “to” UGH, I was not approved for the apartment I wanted. “Or soften” I can’t do Nothing Right “to” I have messed up, but it is only a project. “The more you surprise yourself to slip into exaggerated (and useless) generalizations, the easier it becomes to adopt a logical perspective, but also balanced on life.
Run “if it happens, then what?” scenario
Unfortunately, bad things can and happen. You could be dropped by someone for whom you fall or be rejected for dream work for which you were definitively qualified. But rather than pushing these thoughts “and if it happens terribly” of your head (which rarely works), Morin recommends responding with a plan.
