How to Get Over a Breakup—and Come Out Stronger On the Other Side
Ruptures often come an exquisite mixture of disappointment, rejection, anger, fear and grief. Sometimes there is also a debilitating jealousy, or even a strange feeling of relief – but regardless of the particular mixture of feelings, one thing is certain: overcoming a rupture can be brutal, whatever that has initiated the split.
“The ruptures are difficult because the relationships are deeply rooted in our emotions, our routines and our sense of identity,” explains the sexologist and relational coach combines Theis. “When a relationship ends, it is not only the person you lose – you also lose the shared memories, the dreams and the future that you have considered together.”
And the injury is not only emotional. Lose your beloved in fact triggers The cortex and the anterior cingular insula of the brain – the same regions that treat physical pain. “Add attachment, unresolved feelings and societal pressure, and it is not surprising that breaks often look like the end of the world,” explains Theis.
Although there is no easy way to have a break, there are healthy ways to treat pain and, hopefully, to go out on the other side stronger than before. “Ruptures give you the chance to rebuild you and become the best version of who you are,” explains therapist Misty Williams. “You can focus entirely on your own expectations and priorities without the influence of anyone. Consider it as a cut of a huge shaded tree that blocks your sunlight. Now you can grow freely and flower again.”
Below, expert advice on how to overcome a break:
How to accept that a relationship is over
Accepting that a relationship is finished is a major step towards healing – and ultimately move on. But often, it’s easier to say than to do. We could find ourselves in Romantizing the good times, to fix the past or to hang on to the hope of reconciling on the whole line. However, more often than not, such behaviors only aggravate suffering.
“It is important to stop focusing on the scenarios, as if you are recaliting yourself together or what you could have done differently,” says Williams. “Acceptance begins with recognition.”
Practice what Buddhists and therapists of dialectical behavior call “Radical acceptance” can help. This requires a level of surrender and knowledge that certain circumstances are simply independent of our will. “Acceptance does not mean that we like it or agree with what is going on,” explains the therapist Kristin Money. “Acceptance means that we choose to allow ourselves to feel what we must feel without judgment.”
