How to survive friendship drama in your group without picking sides
Instead, she suggests checking with each person individually (in other words, not to put them on the group cat) to see if they are even open to things of work. (Maybe they are ready for a heart to heart on the whole line, but at the moment, they need time and space.) What is essential, however, is to get the idea of reconnecting in a respectful and not puschy way, “do you want them better, or do you prefer not to have this person in your life?” Then, above all, accept if their response to a possible makeup session is no (in which case, the other tips below can be useful).
Validate their frustration without joining the gossip
You can to want To support both parties in theory. But staying neutral is much more difficult in practice, especially when a friend begins to move the other – and expects you to “prouvie” your loyalty by joining you.
“There is this hypothesis that being a good friend means remaining silent and listening to gossip,” explains Dr. Le Goy. “But if it is important for you to preserve the two relationships, then you really have to say explicitly that you don’t want to get involved.”
Fortunately, you can always validate their pain and frustration while establishing kind and clear limits: for example: “I understand why you are so injured, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about Jen when they are not there.” You can also gently redirect the conversation to their emotions, not the person at the reception of their diatribe (“I’m sorry that you are going through this. How can I help you feel better?”).
And avoid discussing them behind their back with the group
It is natural to want to treat drama with your other friends, especially when things become juicy. Wait, when did it go exactly? This person said that, but the other told a completely different story!
“It can sometimes be difficult because you just want to talk about what’s going on,” said Dr. Le Goy. But trying to give meaning to the situation is very different from direct chatter behind people’s backs, which will only keep the divided group. Instead, if you must Talk about the elephant in the room, she recommends focus on problem solving rather than the group of friends. Ask questions like “What can we do?” Or “How can we improve the situation?” is a much healthier, more productive and united approach.
Tell them when they are both invited to the same event and let them decide what to do
Sooo… do you invite any of them to your group is suspended? Surely ask one but not the other? Hand your hand and pray that the atmosphere is somewhat cold? In general, “the best would be that someone in the group simply has a conversation with them both, separately, and asking how he prefers to interact,” said Dr. Bradford.
