How to trust your partner again after they’ve lied to you

These adjustments can be progressive and subtle, that is why Dr. Lira de la Rosa suggests asking you: does my partner apologize when they did something wrong? Or are they default of the defensive? When they feel injured, do they share what bothers them? Or do they hide these feelings to me?

Whatever the type of lie that your partner has said, the responsibility of the errors and the openly sharing of feelings are both essential to rebuild confidence, she says. In addition, paying attention to their efforts to repair the damage (or their absence) can help you determine if they are really determined to change, or if it is time to reassess the relationship.

Resist the temptation to “helicopter” on them

If your partner is really, really sorry, he should be ready to follow his words with tangible actions. You probably expect them to give their phone and show you all their messages, say or share their location with you 24/7. After all, they violated your confidence, so it’s fair, right?

Share passwords or take a look over their shoulder when they are on social networks may seem to be the perfect solution to “go even”, but that is likely to do more harm than good in the long term. A study Published in 2020 noted that the climax of the mobile phone actually made the opposite of confidence: constant surveillance was more likely to end with a rupture by increasing the feelings of anxiety, distrust and frustration. (Spending the next few days, weeks or even months to question and monitor your partner’s actions and where are justified, but this is not an excellent start to rebuild trust.)

So, instead of looking at them as a hawk, Sadhu suggests focusing on creating new expectations of what you need to trust them again – and make sure they are also comfortable with your Requests. Consider it as a compromise: if your partner has hidden the extent of their suspicious “friendship” with a colleague, it could be unfair and unrealistic to expect that they completely ignore this person. But are they ready to limit contacts outside the office?

If your long -term objective is mutual trust, keeping it a vigilant eye on them or constantly giving their loyalty will not take you, according to Dr. Lira de la Rosa. The desire to closely monitor their behavior makes sense, but “it can become a problem if you continue to push them back or doubt them when they try to be trustworthy,” he said.

Try not to dwell on the past and focus on the future, rather

There may be times when things are fine, and from nowhere, you remember the lie and another argument begins. “It is normal to ruminate betrayal,” says Dr. Lira de la Rosa, noting that it is a common way for humans to face things that we cannot really understand. “But after a while, lingering on the past will only deepen injuries and prevent you from being able to trust you again,” he adds.