What’s worse than a cheater? Apparently, staying with one
The cheaters are zero. This part is not controversial. The default advice to manage cheating in a relationship are generally something like: Leave. Block them. Never look back. But what happens when a woman dares to stay? It is then that the spotlights – and shame – turn to it.
We saw this model playing In summer, I became pretty. Belly, after being deceived by her boyfriend, Jeremiah, always chooses to marry him – a decision that sparked a torrent of hatred online. Since the broadcast of the episode, it has been described as viewers as unbearable, embarrassing and pathetic. Meanwhile, Jeremiah – The attacker – escapes the meticulous internet exam.
In the courtyard of public opinion, it is the woman forgiving a cheater who becomes the punchline.
According to experts in infidelity, this unilateral reaction is hardly surprising – and reflects a larger and more sexist sexist standard: we pretend to hate cheaters, but the truth is that we hate women who refuse to leave them even more.
The double standard that criticizes women for having forgiven a cheater
“Historically, women were often locked in weddings, regardless of their well-being,” explains Idit Sharoni, LMFT, therapist of couples who directs an infidelity recovery program called, it’s good to stay. “Over time, they have fought and won the right to leave unhappy weddings and normalize divorce.” This progress has been so powerful that now, “when a woman chooses to stay, she can be considered just as hard not to leave.”
In superimposed, a cultural story that normalizes the infidelity of men. “The stereotype is that women do not need a lot of sex and that men do,” explains Lauren Larusso, LPC, LMHC, author of Beyond infidelity: how to transform the end of your relationship at the start of your life. This belief fuels the perception that infidelity, for men, is inevitable – an expression of biology and instinct, rather than betrayal – which moves the burden of judgment on women. “It becomes deeply anchored in our subconscious patterns on the way men and women are socialized, high and wired,” explains Larusso. “Of course, they will go out and make their needs satisfy, which means that only a weak woman would remain and defend that.”
Example: Look how the public treated Khloé Kardashian after giving Tristan Thompson several chances after his cheating scandals. It was he who has wronged it several times and humiliated it, but it was Kardashian who was implacally mocked and Memed. Even Hillary Clinton’s decision to remain married to Bill was less thrown as a reflection of a painful and complex circumstance and more as “evidence” of moral weakness, weak intelligence and bad self -esteem. Many and many times, society does not just minimize the bad behavior of men – that ridicules women for having endured it.
Why staying after infidelity is more complicated than you think
“We are quick to judge the decisions of life through a simple lens” good and bad “, explains Sharoni. And choosing to be with someone who was unfaithful does not correspond to this script – and does not leave much room for sympathy.
