Why do people cheat? There are 5 major reasons, according to couples therapists

The best thing to do, according to each expert with whom we have talked about, is to talk about any concern Before Resentment or apathy is built. But according to Theresa Herring, LMFT, therapist of couples at Centered Connections in Chicago, “we live in a society which is so focused on instant gratuity, where a case can present itself as a rapid solution for problems in life or the relationship of a person.” This is often what can lead people to fall (intentionally or not) for someone who complies them, say, listen closely, or makes them feel seen in a way that they have not done so.

4. They avoid vulnerability by exploding things

For some people who have been injured in the past (or perhaps never had a narrow and emotionally safe relationship before), let someone really see you – flares and everything – may seem risky, even terrifying. According to herring, this level of proximity can arouse a lot of fear and anxiety. (What if I hurt myself again? What if they leave me once they really know me?))

If you want a deep and intimate connection, you must be willing to solve this discomfort (ideally with honest and open communication with your SO, perhaps even with the help of a couple advisor). Others, however, can unconsciously try to protect yourself by sabotaging or moving away. “They might think, I’m afraid of feeling too close. I’m afraid of what it might mean, “said Herring. And for some, cheating becomes a way to create this distance – like: “If I spoil it before it becomes too real, then I will not hurt myself.” Business therefore does not always consist of desiring someone else: it can be a question of fleeing the vulnerability that real intimacy requires.

5. They are looking for an easy way to get out of the relationship

Another common reason why people cheat, according to Brunner and Herring is to want to get out of the relationship. When someone is unhappy but too frightened, guilty or opposed to conflicts to explicitly interrupt things, infidelity can look like an integrated ejection button. Basically, a way to force the relationship to end without ever having to say the words “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

For obvious reasons, none of these apologies cheat – it is a fairly immature (and hurtful) outing strategy. Because if a relationship does not work, the most decent thing you can do is have an honest conversation rather than leaving it with emotional benefits.

Can a relationship survive cheating?

Short answer: Yes – and fortunately, “once a cheater, always a cheater” is not a universal truth (more about this here).

That said, your chances of successfully progressing as a couple depend on a few important factors beyond the Why, Each expert to whom we have talked about agrees. What matters as much as the reason for the case is if it is really over, if the person who cheated has taken responsibility and has shown a desire to reconstruct confidence, and if the two partners are really determined to do the hard work – which ultimately includes forgiveness.

In many cases, understand the Why Behind a betrayal can also be an important part of this equation. “While for some people, cheating is cheating, for others, some layers can make betrayal more or less difficult to overcome,” said Dr. Le Goy. This is not a justification, exactly, but it can be a useful first step to determine if it is possible to stay together.

This article appeared for the first time on Self.com

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8 signs of emotional cheating that will open the eyes to the truth

17 subtle signs of cheating to monitor

Does being deceived justifies the denigration of your partner on social networks?